Crushes and being Territorial

Ok So I have a crush on someone, I know its never going to work out, but its just a small harmless little one, just to keep myself occupied and not worry about the rest. Other than that, I feel as if I don't really like anyone as of the moment. The last person I did like didn't work out and just made me confused so to save myself from that, I just stopped, the funny thing is, it just did it on its on, I didn't even try to force it. For now I'm going to take time for myself, I'm sure of what I want and I'm not going to out of my way anymore, if its worth it than I'll know, there won't be any complications, and second guessing. My subconscious wall is starting to build even higher around me.

Happy Birthday Baby girl Liezel, You're a woman now :D

I have my inner circle of friends, and with that I feel very territorial. Just because there is drama everywhere in the world around me, and for myself, I'm at last drama free. No males to interrupt my circle of life, no other folks trying to evade my space, all that is around me are drama free people who have taught me a lot and helped me grow, with that I am very thankful. With me being territorial is for the fact that I'm scared that something will come in and ruined what I've maintained. These people that I've accepted as my own family is pretty much my get away from the everyday stress that society puts upon me. With these people, I feel as if I've moved forward from what I once was, and I'm scared that anything that could possible "taint" that environment from my past will spread and destroy it. I know I'm being paranoid, but I'm just scared because I've never been this accepted by so many despite all my flaws and my mistakes, and I've never been this happy with people. I've lost a lot of people in my life, ex boyfriends, ex best friends, ex cliques, etc. but with that I gained so much more, and when I was at my worse these were the only ones I can count on. So I'm sorry if I seem very territorial and overprotective, I just want to keep what I have.

Quick Summary of the Aries

April 18

Central Image: The Pioneer
Element: Fire
Mode: Intuition

A crucial area of growth for April 18 people lies in fully unlocking intimate affection and love. If love is bottled up, an embittered personality may result that will always feel a victim of the blows of the world. If, on the other hand love and affection are free flowing, there is no limit to the positive engery April 18 people can bestow on those around them.

Advice:

Don't be to defensive or eager to sort things out. Allow yourself to be more trusting and relaxed. Be as accepting of others as possible, and if they don't bother you just let them be. Keep a lid on your anger.

Meditation:

Never take anything too seriously.

Strengths: honorable, vigorous, fair
Weaknesses: Unrealistic, Pugnacious, Emotionally Unstable.

Bonding with Important People

Eventful month, I didn't care too much for Feburary, but March is here and I'm read for it! Fuz was fun with the Soul Fam. Now back to my regular routine of life. Can't wait for this weekend.

Last week was Eventful, Monday was a full day of school, work and work, then Tuesday was work then I hung out with Mr. Drago, went to Santana Row got some ice cream and walked around, new Burberry black bags look simply gorgeous! I never liked it but I must say...WOW. Went to school. Wednesday school, work and then Fentons with the Fam, Mike, Renee, Tex, Josko, Kristian, Tyson, Eddy, Richard and Nate. Haha we got lost, left had a fat load of ice cream. I threw up in the car. Haha <33 You guys. Went to dance in campbell. Thursday, work in the morning, school, then went to Cheryls for a quick minute, seen hella old UC folks went to Dance. Friday, ran some errands with Marc, went to the mall, chilled with Ryan and KO for a minute, then got ready, went to Crystals, got ready, went to Abyss, tech, club, perform, club. Used alias "Joyce' then went home, next day, Saturday, Liezels cotillion with Jesselle, I was a candle and I didn't know I was going to get escorted, luckily it was someone I knew, he was drunk and so we were walking, and I noticed that people were being squished so I told him, hella no fool am I gonna squeeze through those chairs, so I hella pushed him and HAHA everyone saw and laughed when we were walking down the isle. Haha. Went to tap, chilled there, had a good talk with Josko and Nate. Went home. Sunday had dance, but we just bonded, played huggy bear, and other ice breaks all night, extreme fun.

So for this week, couple things planned, Ice cream with Josko and Renee, then Mr. Drago and I arranged a trip not sure where yet. Then saturday, 2 parties to go to, Alexis Birthday, and then Naytrons "Saddie Hawkins Dance" at his House.

SOUL NATION

Because I am a Bitch

This goes to a certain someone I love you but this is what I got to say since whenever we talk all we do is argue, you being too sensitive and me being too insensitive is just a bad bad bad combo.

Ok so go ahead and call me a bitch or be insensitive, thats just my nature. Truth hurts but its how you take it. Either you can cry and bitch about it the whole time, or shut up man up and do SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Its so frustrating. I'm not a patient person when I'm talking to an individual who knows whats wrong with them, bitches about it and blames it on everything. I do not like negativity its a ripple effect and just frustrates me because its so totally uncalled for. Yeah people have their way of venting, but remember, maybe you lose friends because it gets old and annoying after awhile. I would be less of a bitch if I see that a person was actually trying to improve on their negativity. That same negativity drives me to be a bitch and ruins my mood/day because we just end up arguing when we're not even a couple.

I have my flaws, I don't listen, I'm too stubborn, I do things I'm not suppose to. Yeah I got hurt, but I'm not looking at it like I've hit rock bottom, I got up dusted myself off and used everything that I knew, utilized myself and strive for an improvement. (I don't bitch about my flaws as much)

I'll admit I like attention, but doesn't everyone? But there is a point where someone can give you so much attention, even when you're not satisfied with it you still cry for more.

If someone doesn't like you, OH WELL MOVE ON! There is ALWAYS something better out there. Could you be with something that didn't make you fully happy? There was a reason WHY it didn't make you fully happy in the beginning QUIT DWELLING ON IT AND MOVE ON. LET SHIT GO. If it was meant to be it will come back. SHE IS A BITCH TRUST ME, I WAS LIKE HER.

Yeah you will feel like shit but you can ALWAYS change the outcome of how you feel by taking the initiative and taking affirmative action. I hate it when people sit and cry about how shit sucks for them blah blah, they just need to get up and always change it. THERE IS ALWAYS A BRIGHTER SHADE OF LIGHT DAMNIT. I know because I use to be what I hate, but I shut up and man up to realize what I gotta do to make myself happy.

Truth hurts, my friends ALWAYS tell me the truth. I get hurt, but I don't cry about it, I take it in, and I work on things I know I need to change.