Oh Bhayl

I'm fed up. Things aren't the same as they use to be. Disappoints me because a lot of those were in my comfort zone. Starting over is the hardest part. This isn't to just one thing but everything. Risks? Many. Doubts? Tons. Hurt? Constantly.

Last 3 Days, I just thought about everything. I really don't like a lot of things going on, but the only way I can be happy is to try to fix it, or just avoid it. "Protect Yourself." Ironic who said it to me. Last person I thought would. This is to everything in general. Don't hope too much cos things won't always go through as promised.

It was a good day with old friends. Beach, camp fire, late night beach watch. It was surprising that they were interested in one thing and actually telling me to go for it. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up with it because I don't see anything come out of it. Something I don't want to go through again, or have to endure.

Back to reality.

I didn't mean to. Someone said to me about their situation "I'm not going back, but a part of me feels like I'm going to regret it later on."

Something I've dealt with that only a few know.

I miss watching CSI:Vegas.

I'm frustrated with everything.

Getaway

Irritated. Fuck off. Fed up. Peace.

P.s. I want rocky road ice cream.

I want A Mac

I WANT A MAC UGH. Usually I ain't into apple, but I wanna make animations when I'm bored.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAY!

Fools Rush in

I'm sitting at work with my feet hurting, I'm wearing heals and it hella hurts like a mother. I don't really have things to do because its slow right now. Like super dead slow.

So I'm missing something, I won't say what or who, because I don't want to give that person satisfaction. Been thinking about things I want to do. Its going to be a long week. It kinda makes me sad. There's a lot on my plate that will hopefully keep me occupied.

Hearing some old songs, and starting to talk to people I was friends with in highschool. I've avoided for so long, the reason why, is because I've tried to stay away from Union City Period. Especially West Side Une.

Me and My daddy's Song :']

I was really looking forward to something, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. This summer was very disappointing. Work work work. No bueno.

Is this what you wanted? Cos you got it. I hope you're happy. Deep down I hate you.

I still haven't been to the beach. Its heart breaking. It really is. Since I'm not going to SoCal no more (breaks my heart) maybe I'll just spend the days at the beach.

Throwback

Emmaus Retreat in Pinole, best summer I ever had.

When we first moved to Folklore. New start.


Christmas Potluck for Emmaus


When Randy first gave me Arrbie.


My Court on Papa's Truck.


In the 500's when Glen was jumping over the cans.

I was lookin through some old photos that kinda got me sad. I miss high school, when there was nothing to worry about. Just worried about what to wear for school. Now hella shit to worry about. Nothing is ever set. Somethings I will always miss, no matter what. It really aches. Ugh :[

Letting it Out

Something kinda urked me today.

Long story short, went to Malibu with Andrew, Praveen and Ryan. Overall fun experiences. Got all my aggression out, got to do it more often. I felt way better afterwards, for some reason it felt better than the shooting range. Went to Palo Alto to eat. Here's little video.

Praveen and Ryan are my real life Harold and Kumar. I love it haha

I feel like a loser because I'm not diggin the party scene. I really want to go out and what not but when it comes down to it, I just think about the next day and ask is it really worth it? 21 and up bars are no doubt hella fun. Maybe next week I'll want to go. But we shall see.

I want to go to Monterey. I've decided to go through with things I want to do, and not just wait around. Not trying to point anyone out or whatever, but I have learned, why wait for someone who won't wait for you. (I forreal mean this in general)

I want to go back to the batting cages. Felt so good to just let it all out.

Forever

I'm sitting at work super bored, waiting for mail to come because the most exciting part of this job. I lie, I'm listening to "Forever" by Chris Brown and I'm hella stuck. There's no more summer school which makes me kind of sad.

Wednesday Night was the worse night ever, but thanks Marc for helping me out mucho, greatly appreciated. Forgot my keys at the studio and he went through so much trouble to help me. Thanks for everything in general :]

We presented in class yesterday for Team Sour patch "First sweet then sour" (Like a relationship I like to say). Peeters seemed to like it he commented on our video. Our Topic for speech was relationships and what happens if we don't listen, don't talk about our emotions in a calm matter, and if don't think out our actions and just do it aggressively. When we broke down our presentation, I was the one who talked about characteristics of an angry relationship.

Here's Our Videos:

This is when one does not listen..



This is when one expresses emotion negatively.

Summer school was hella fun. Now I just gotta work. Right now I'm planning a trip to SoCal with my ladies. Hopefully we'll be able to do it.

The office is starting to pick up a little bit more now, which I really like. Since they're just an upcoming business, its been pretty slow. Now clients moved in, the latest ones I think are some Vietnamese people. They look like they're in their late 20's. Mostly orientals. Can't wait till it gets a little more busy.

Yesterday went to the movies with Daco. Finally got to watch Wal-E oh my god I'm In love with that movie. I want to watch it again. It was so cute I teared up. Yes I know I'm gay. Poor Daco, he fell asleep cos he was hella tired. Thanks for the movie. :]

I like listening to sad songs to feel sad. Thats hella retarded right? Well I don't know, I'm listening to "Crushed" by Rosette, Its on my myspace. I played this song on repeat last summer. A year later, I play it and I feel it but then I snap out of it and was shocked that I'm actually out of that feeling. I really didn't think I was going to get out of it. Its amazing how time flies.

I know I've done a lot of messed up things to people, and when I think about it, I get sad. There's nothing I can do about it, whats done is done. Time heals all right? Well I hope, there are some people that I lost contact with and for the reason why I will keep private, but I will have to admit, I start to miss them from time to time.