Fuck You

You are one son of bitch.

Don't even know the story.

I don't tolerate rudeness.

You stupid white boy.

Come Back

I'm in an alright position right now, things could get better. I feel super loved :] Josko You're the best, he knows how to cheer up his little fifter. I was at Tap before I was heading over to work and I said was craving chocolate. I go to work and I get cut early so I'm sitting in Zin all by myself and Josko said "Bernie, I've been looking for you! Come with me to my car." I ask him, "What is it? A boy?" haha opens his car and gives me a box. My face hella lit up. I was so happy, one of the best surprises ever, I felt loved, he told me him and Renee went to Santana Row and went to go get the finest Chocolate dessert, and girrlll were they hella good. Oh my! They were all my size too :]
So I was driving today and a song popped up. Come back, you've been on vacation for far too long. We miss you. I teared up a little just thinking about it, still hard to believe.

I'm going to finish making my costume. Everyone Likes my mittens :]

Why am I never satisfied? Why do I expect so much when I know I'm going to be constantly disappointed?

I'm not suppose to but I'm starting to. I don't want to but I am. I can't and I don't think I will.

Its not that I do, but I think its cos I......

UPDATE

So today Teck and I went to Ohlone so I can turn something in and there was this squirrel in the middle of the road, I was in my car and we I Jooked it and ended up running it over, HIGHLIGHT OF MY FUCKIN DAY .

These are my dailies, I don't know what I would do without them. <33 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://a677.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/113/l_7c4c20041845b5d97d5a52214d63f16c.jpg">

Giiiiirrll...go get it.....

This weekend has been a quite memorable one.

First off on Friday had lunch with an old friend, Mr. Randy Vison. Ate at pepper lunch. It give me a good feeling through every shit that we went through, we are still able to look past all that and be mature enough to be friends. "I didn't want to stay mad at the person that I was close to for so long." I appreciate that, especially in a time like this. When situations occur, its nice that things like this can happen. After lunch we went to the mall cos I had to get stuff for the Halloween Show. Got my stuff. After that said bye and shook and went to Tap. Hung out with the Tap Fam, and I made a monster :]. Went home and went to bed.

Next morning, was the show. I was so excited I just had to leave the house early. Got some food for the potluck then went to Carolyn's. Started making my new monster. Carpool with Carolyn, Jordan, Jerrie and Cam. Got to the venue, ate, played football, ate again, I was carrying my chicken. Practiced and then tech. Practiced some more. Started to get ready. Our entrance was sick, performed, I think I messed up a little bit but overall it was fun. AFter that we all just chilled backstage. Waited for the finale. Met up with Tysong, Renee and Teck. I love them. :] They came all the way up there to see the show. I appreciated that and It made me smile. THey left and met up with the rest of Soulidified, they decided we should all go to BJ. So at the dinner table it was Soulidified Movement. Yay. Julia, Crystal and I went to the bar, got a pomegranate punch, hella good. Chopped it up with some people. "Giiirrllll..goo geettt it or else I will." haha Then we went to Gregs house for a little after party, hella heads up in there. Took a shot then just chilled. Someone peer pressured me. Hmmpp Toni Ron and Alexis, girrrlllll ya'll are fools. Hug out with people. Went home.

Sunday morning went to Tap. Chris and I went to Joanne Fabrics cos I needed to finish my present. Afterward we went to Costco cos I was hungry so we just went around getting free samples buwahaha. Went to tap put my finishing touches for Renee's Present. Went home got ready with the quickness and then Mike and Renee pick me up and we go to Stoneridge to meet up her parents. OMG MACYS HAS A KIDROBOT BAG AND ITS PURPLE. I WANT! We went to Victoria's Secret and I ask Mike where Auntie Annie's is and he said that it was on the opposite side of the mall then I looked down and it was right there, so I hustle my little self over there and all of a sudden some asian bitch cut me I was so mad. I swear some chinese people have no manners at all! When i went to Costco I was right in front and Chris was behind me and then some asian Lady hella goes in front of me I look at her and say "EXCUSE ME!" and she said "oh were you in line?" "YEAH!" I didn't want to say anymore but how dumb are you? I was in front of you in the first place?? Anyways I got over that I waited and then I finally saw the sign. "CASH ONLY" FUCK I start to walk and I see mike and Renee above me and asked "why didn't you get a pretzel?" "IT WAS CASH ONLY" :[ We Head over to the restaurant. That was fun, Tita got us a pitcher of Margarita, had 3 glasses. Oh my. I haven't drank this much in a while. Good times. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE! :] Went to YoSwirl, got my mango tart with all the cereal and the yogurt pieces MmMM. I wanted some earlier but Chris said it was too early :[ Afterward went to Mike's house and drank a little more and played Cranium. Went home.

I'm at work now. I'm not looking forward to this Halloween weekend. Someone said to me that I seemed fine, like nothing affected me, that's because why would I show how I really feel? To show I'm weak? I was weak before but now I can hold myself up. I mean yes it does still hurt from time to time, but anyone can always bounce back. Things happen for a reason, and I've been thinking that was such an understatement but I finally realize. I'm living my life for me. I really don't want to get involved with anyone right now, because I'm not gonna get hurt again. I need time to gather myself. I'm not going to let anyone in for a while, unless they really show me that their worth my time, or that I would potentially be worth it for them. Get what I mean? Fuck Niggas

P.s. I'm not tryna be a downer but Rina and I were talking and if something were to happen to me *knocks on wood* I called dibs on Leona Lewis - yesterday. Remember that Rina! haha

Its about f'king time

So yeah I started to write more in this shit, but I highly doubt anyone reads this shit so this is just a constant reminder to myself.

For one thing, I had texted you this morning with my decision, I'm going to be forward and straight. I'm tired of this bull of you blogging about me so I'm just going to flip the switch real quick for a minute.

I'm not trying to hate or disrespect you in anyway, but really, us being cool ain't helping either of us. For one you get bitter and depressed when we talk and then I don't answer, and nigga it rubs off and it ain't coo. It makes it hard for me. I'm just going to do this for me. For a while yeah I'm selfish but I'm being selfish in the wrong way. So I'm going to do this. Yesterday really pissed me off, you didn't really do anything but just being in the same room as you just killed my vibe. I was happy then after that it all went down hill, so I've made my choice, I wanna get over all this and with you being here (sorry to be so harsh) but worse. We are basically poison to each other if you would say. I hate looking at your blogs and know it has to deal with me, NIGGA WTF. Like you said to me "I am the only one from keeping myself from being happy." Well you know what you're right, and to make sure that I'm going to be happy and stay happy, I'm gonna do what I can to make sure that no one absolutely no one brings me down. No more tainting anything. Start off completely fresh. Sorry for the shit I've done, but whats done is done. You only hurt yourself more by thinking about it. But I'm just going to say this for now.

I've lost a lot of things this year, even myself.

I'm proud to say I'm over it :]

Tone & Sunburnt animals

So yesterday night, I was talking to someone on the phone that I haven't spoken to since last week. This person said that they had liked the tone of my voice, it sounded more positive, from the last time he heard me.

Thanks for noticing, you love my sunburnt animals :D less than three!

I just thought, damn he noticed, but yes I'm in a better place right now. I mean I won't say that I'm completely happy and satisfied because in the back of my mind and every single day I still think about the same thing, but I slowly start to get over it and just think of the future and look forward, never know whats going to happen.

I think about Ray everyday, and instead of being completely sad bout it I just sit and think, Life is too short to hold grudges so I'm letting go of everything negative. I can't wait till this year is over so I can start a new one. I have everything I will ever need with me right now, and with the time I spent kind of slacking off (oops) I'm paying extra hard now so I know my self worth. I love the people around me, and I'm grateful for them, I don't know where I would be without them. I know I sound hella sappy right now, but ay nigga I'm happy. A little bit of things could change, but right now I'm on my natural high.

I'm going to get an updated picture, but I just wanted to put this up. This is all I really need right now.

I still can't get over it, thank you to Friday Night, I'm numb to a lot of things, and I'm just going to let it pass. "Time heals all" right? I have a repeated playlist that's titled "hurt" and Teck looks at me and is like wtf? I like the hurt, let it all hurt now so later on, I'll be all healed. But yay I'm back to normal, or well as normal was I ever was.

Fuck you Kristian for making me cry, I still love you though.

Miss You Ray! Rest in Peace. I feel happy emo so maybe I'll write more later, but I have to do hw and finish Renee's present. buwahahah

Throw Back

Done

After a year of not listening to Randy and Praveen, I've came to a conclusion. You niggas are right, and I'm finally going to listen to those words of advise. Better late then never right?

So recently these last couple of months have been a new experience for me, then the downfall of it all left a little bruise in my ego, and I've come to realize after talking to Randy and Praveen, after a year or more of not listening to them that they're right. I need time for myself and if any nigga that's worth my time will understand things. Well I'm going to put this out there, after this last "relationship," I'm done. I not interested, I don't want to get into anything serious. Everyone wins, I will take this time for myself. I'm just here clearly to kick rocks. Usually after an experience like this, I jump into another one to get over the previous one. I'm still not completely over the last one, I still care about him and to get over him, I'm going to do it the normal way, and if you try, just telling you right now, you're going to be rebound, so don't even try if you don't want to get hurt or labeled that. I am here to simply enjoy your company as a friend, nothing more nothing less. If anyone breaks this vow that I have made, you better be damn worth it. This isn't for anyone particular, and I'm not trying to sound vain or nothing, its just those guys who ask to go out with "no intentions" so I'll just make it clear right here cos they won't tell me straight up. Hopefully they take the time to read this. The only males I need and are important to me is my papa, and my TapEx boys :] Forreal those boys are well worth my time, I love them to death, and anyone tryna come in, go through them first. :] I'm set, I got what I need. Friday night was the real eye opener.

"God doesn't give us situations he knows we can't handle."

To the people I've been around lately, I love you guys :] (no homo and I'm not intoxicated.)

First and Foremost

Weekend was an enjoyable one. First time experiences, new people, good deal.

First off Friday, went to Ohlone Dance class stayed for a bit then went out to lunch with RC. Mac Grill nigga. After that back to Ohlone, practiced for a bit watched people freestyle. Left school went to Tap. Went out exploring with Teck and Tyson. Afterwards went to Yoswirl, got a quick bike ride, saw some APASA people. Go yogurt and saw RC, after that went back to tap. Most of the fam was there :] Renee and I go to Wal*Mart got some supplies. spent 60 bucks on random shit OH MY. Started to work on my little pwesent buaahaha. Decided to so something new, we all went to Tyson's house, it was Renee, Teck, Tyson, Kristian, Chris Hay, Phill and I. All I'm gonna say, true bonding moment, I love you guys <33 First time I got to stay out with them that late and sleepover. Hella laughs, hella hugs, hella talks. One of the things that popped up was "if Ray was here..." We miss you buddy RIP!!! Morning came by...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYSONG!! <33

We were at Tyson's house, head over to Tap. Tyson, Renee and I go eat Pho. I could barely move I felt like a boob. I kept hearing a song in my head but then they said there was nothing playing, went back to Tap, chilled in Renee's car for dumbass long. Went inside, and Tyson and I fell asleep on the bench, hella funny cos we both hella took up space. We both fell asleep for like 2 hours, Tyson woke me up and said He was gonna leave and play pool with Chris Hay, then Phil took his spot on the bench and we hella fell asleep. Hour later woke up, Vince asked to go the concert hella last minute. Concert was fun, took my mind off things, I was still lightweight out of it and HELLA tired. First up was Estelle, them Gym Class Heroes, yay for cookie jar, and then the Roots, by that time I was completely tired. During the break i started to fall asleep in the benches, then Charlie would laugh at me cos he'd see me fall asleep even while I was standing. Left went back to get my car, then went home. Hella hard to drive it was only 12 but I was Hella tired from the night before.

Sunday. Went back to the same old grind, didn't get a table till 45 minutes after i got on the clock. The Pacla's were my first table. Work was whack and tiring. After that, went to Tap, started to make my presents, then afterwards Jon stopped by. Missed that fool, haven't seen him in forever. Good talk, then practice came around, stayed for hella days. Went home worked on it again.

Things are starting to slowly get back to normal.

Feels Like Forever

This month has been the longest month ever. This year sucks so hard.

Its been a month today since I last seen you.

Like forreal when will all the bad shit stop? Its been constant.