High Expectations

Ok so today I had a good talk with a good friend, and now I'm starting to realize reasons why God has done what he has done.

The beginning of the semester I've been a fairly angry person, now I took time and now am finally able to do things for myself that will make ME happy and not anyone. I can only depend on myself to bring that actual joy. I have no one to taint me of my true thoughts and actions. Its not saying that they were poisoning my thoughts, but since the 8th grade until now, I haven't been able to stand on my own two feet, and feels good to get up with out holding any ones hand.

I'm not saying necessarily that those people didn't bring any good into my life, its more of the fact that they had a heavy influence on my thoughts and actions. Of course I will miss those close relationships I've had with those certain individuals, but what I've finally realized, for those people that I've lost contact, in any form of way, shape, etc. that right now I should really understand myself and do things that make ME happy and not please someone else. I never really thought about it, but when I was in a certain situation, I was being selfish and giving at the same time. Not only that but we went our own separate ways for now, and if you were really meant to be in my life, one way or the other, God will put you back into any form shape or place. I don't need to focus on any one's happiness but my own. Take different detours but MAYBE in the end we will meet at the same destination. I'm not trying to point out one person, but to people that have been phased out, not by me but some other force.

I know its bad to leave things up to faith, but I feel like I pushed for so long, that I think I finally deserve a break. If something is meant to happen, I'm going to let it. I'm starting to remember and secure my true values, I'm blessed to be around a bunch of people that have experienced so much and able to teach me things, my hard headedness is starting to soften up. Better Late then Never right? Even though they're able to teach me these things, its up to me to actually practice and follow through to get it right.

I'm not going to lie, things still hurt. Losing people is never a good thing, but really if they're gone for reason number one, it just isn't the time to be in each other's lives, and reason number two, God just needed them right away.

I feel more in control. I've kept my temper down, and I learned to just express it then release. Its just makes a great story to tell. I've noticed that a lot of things that I wasn't able to control, I can do so now. Feels like one of the most satisfying accomplishments ever!

Life is very unexpected, so I need to stop putting so much expectations and just be surprised. I really need to stop expecting things, its hard but its an on going process. I realized that with every every expectation there will be great disappointment, the more more high I make the target the harder it is to be satisfied and it will bring me down. I need to learn to accept the unexpected.

Well I'm going to bed now. I gotta wake up and study. Night

-Thanks TapEx Fambam and Carolyn and Last but def not least, Mommy, Strongest littlest woman ever <33

P.s. Giggin it to Keyshia Cole's part in Akon - Work it Out. Chorus is SICK!

"I know he ain't right for me
but the swagger so crazy
he ain't right for me still wanna be his lady
though he ain't right, ???? that it just don't phase me
why don't it phase me, why don't it phase me."

(not directed to anyone, nigga please. Just a good chorus.)